Some of the reasons, that I've heard, given for the cause of our "Shidduch Crisis" are:
- There are more women than men out there
- Men prefer younger women and tend to marry a girl lower in age
In my opinion, these are not the real problems pervasive in the Jewish dating scene. I feel, if anything is to blame as a "Shidduch crisis" it is that there is a problem with the Shadchans ability to introduce Boy A to Girl B.
Several actual problems that no one talks about, in my opinion, are:- Shidduch applications are larger that most job applications - and require more references!
- Many of the questions on these applications are idiotic
- Boy A and Girl B are developing unrealistic criteria when looking for a partner (criteria that tend to end up as questions on Shidduch applications that I define as idiotic)
- Boy A and Girl B fear peer disapproval and communal chastisement if they go outside of the Shidduch system to look for a partner, making them reliant on the antiquated Shidduch system that is collapsing on itself.
This post is not going to go into explaining my full viewpoint on the subject. I merely wanted to say a few things that were on my mind and possibly get people to think a little other aspects of this subject. Feel free to comment if you would like!!
* If anyone doesn't understand any of the words that are in Italics... Look them up! A Google or Wikipedia search takes five seconds! Don't be lazy!
2 comments:
The problem isn't that people aren't talking about the problems that you raised--it's that it is all talk and no action. The question to ask is "What would happen if we stopped filling out the inane questionnaires, if we stopped worrying about what the neighbors/schools would say?" I imagine that the sun would come up anyway, and that Tuesday would still follow Monday and that all the rules of nature would remain intact.
No one wants to be the first one to say "I've had enough! The emperor is naked!"
Most frum people, I know, don't talk about the issues, I brought up. They know they exist but they like to pass blame onto something other than a defunked system!
The orthodox community doesn't want to admit that it's the system and not outside influences that are causing problems.
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